Despair

This feeling has been my friend for some time now. Approximately from the beginning of this month. Why? I have no idea. It was supposed to be exactly the opposite as last month was pretty good and I even made my record in the amount of ran kilometers and I was looking forward to going to my parents for vacation that started on 1st of July. We planned with my dad that we would go running and cycling and do lots of things.

The vacation was pretty good, my parents have cottage at Lipno, which is the biggest water reservoir in Czech republic and it is surrounded by very beautiful nature.  It was a bit cold, cloudy and sometimes even rainy during the first few days but then it was great weather so we were going for walks, mushrooming, swimming to the lake or just relaxing at the garden. But even though everything was fine, I felt somehow nervous. I can’t tell why.

I am always very tired at the beginning when I come there probably because of the air change. I call it oxygen poisoning. And so I was sleeping and just doing nothing a lot. I even didn’t have mood to go running. And I was eating all that awesome tasty but unhealthy food my mom was cooking. Which resulted in gaining some weight. Not much, like two kilos maybe but I was definitely not happy about it. But still wasn’t able to do anything. Some kind of laziness jumped on me.

When I came back, after 3 hours of terrible travel by train in 36 degrees, I started to feel depressed. I came to my flat and started to cry. Heavily. It was very weird as I didn’t understand what was going on. I suddenly started to terribly miss my daughter and I also missed my parents and I just wanted to turn around and go back to the cottage.

And since then I feel like crap. I feel said, despair, unhappy, don’t have mood or strength to do anything. It gets a bit better when I am at work as I have lots of things to do and also there are many people and sometimes they smile and tell jokes and do funny things so it makes me feel way better, but as soon as I leave the office I start to feel bad again. I feel very lonely, weak and tired. I just come home, switch on TV and watch whatever is there till about midnight and then go to bed. I haven’t been running for more than two weeks now, haven’t exercise, actually I haven’t been doing anything else then just working and watching TV the last week.

I wanted to go to Lukas’ training on Thursday and was really looking forward to it as I was hoping it would start my better mood again. But unfortunately just few hours before the training I started to feel dizzy, even felt like having higher temperature and started to have head ache and almost lost my voice. So I probably got cold from the air conditioning and also found out that I got my period. I just felt very bad so instead of going to the training, I decided to go home earlier. When I came home I just took some painkillers and went to bed. What an bad coincidence.

It also didn’t help to hear about the events in Nice or in Turkey…what the hell is going on with this world? It was never safe but it is getting worse and worse.

Anyway…this post is almost about nothing and I just feel terrible…don’t know why I am even writing this.

 

Movie: San Andreas

San Andreas on IMDB

I don’t like men with too big muscles. It looks so unnatural and sometimes also unhealthy to me, blah. But there are few exceptions. One of them is The Rock. Actually, he is probably not using this name anymore, now he is using his real name, Dwayne Johnson, but I first heard about him and saw him when my ex-husband was watching wrestling and that’s why he will always be The Rock for me. Anyway, I like him no matter what he calls himself.

Today I was feeling a bit blue and so I decided to watch some movie and what’s better for your bad mood than watching handsome men? Well, in fact one man only, but in his case it is more than enough.

So, the movie had really good beginning that made me laugh. A girl driving car and doing all the stupid things like reaching for something to the back seat, checking messages on her phone that most people were expecting to lead to a crashing scene. But it didn’t happen. She continued driving until she got accidentally hit by a rock falling from a collapsing hill. Ha ha, well done.

Other scene that made me laugh was, when the professor was having presentation about the earthquakes and then the camera turned to the students who were in dark and you could just see all those Apple signs shining on their laptops. Product placing is still popular.

Anyway, I don’t want to spoil everything, so overall the movie is about series of big earthquakes that strike in California. Raymond Gaines, chief of rescuers, is getting divorced with his wife Emma and they have a daughter called Blake. Blake happens to be in the center of one of the earthquakes and Ray and Emma are trying to save her and on the way they, of course, start solving their personal life, what and why went wrong, etc., just standard cliche.

The movie reminds me of the 2012 movie. Divorced parents, catastrophe, trying to survive, bad new boyfriend of the ex-wife, etc. But anyway, I didn’t expect much from the movie (except lots of muscles which I got) and so I was enjoying it even with the outrageous scene. I was pretty surprised by the actress Alexandra Daddario who playd Blake. She was really sexy…I would be definitely attracted to her if I was a man 😉

The only thing that ruined the end of the movie was when Ben brought her the two necklaces which he claimed that he found ion the boat (but she had it on her neck when was being rescued) and also the huge american flag across the Golden gate bridge…c’mon guys do you really have to put that flag to the end of all movies you make?

Anyway, for me the movie was 5/10.