Few days ago, on November 2nd I was celebrating 11 years since my 2nd transplantation. Well, I can’t really say I was celebrating, but each year I remember the day of the transplantation and evaluate the last year and all the years since the transplantation.
It is always kind of weird because in Czech republic 2nd November is the day of Memory of deceased. Which means that most people go to cemeteries to think of those who died, bring them flowers, clean the graves, etc. I always think of the man whose kidney I have. In the past I used to go to church to light a candle for him but last few years I just think of him – what was he like, what actually happened that he died, etc. And I light the candle at home.
But despite this fact and also despite the weather which is mostly rainy and cold as it is already fall, I try to stay positive and kind of celebrate. Mostly just in my head. I am really grateful that the kidney is working well despite the stress we went through at the university or at later at work, also we managed to go through pregnancy together and managed the hard birth giving. We also managed to go through the strong depressions during and after my divorce and last but not least, we managed to cure all those pneumonia and bladder inflammations and other illnesses during the years.
But on the other hand, from time to time it comes into my mind that the average kidney transplant life expectancy from deceased donor is 8 to 12 years. Which means that I am actually already there and I just can’t not to think about what comes when something happens with this kidney. When I think about getting back to dialysis, I suddenly start to feel very bad. My head starts to hurt, my blood pressure increases and I just start feel terrible. I can’t imagine going back there…and… I don’t want to continue about these thoughts in this post as this post was supposed to be positive, describing what great success it is to actually have transplanted kidney all these years and live the life I live, which means going to work, having great daughter, being able to run and exercise…but somehow my thoughts are more and more leading towards the dark side….
Maybe it is because I can feel that my health condition is slowly but constantly getting worse. I was diagnosed with diabetes, lately also with high cholesterol, which I was told is connected with the diabetes, my bladder infections are getting more often and more serious…and despite the kidney is taking everything very well, the creatinine is still up to 100, I am starting to be afraid what kind of post I would be writing next year.